Thursday, 22 March 2012

Misfit

Do you ever get the feeling that you don't really know where you fit in?  I've had that feeling on and off throughout my life.  Sometimes it's been an uncomfortable feeling - during the teenage years at school for example when it didn't always feel easy to slot into a particular group.  Or at various workplaces when my face just didn't seem to fit-in with the 'in-crowd'. 

At other times I relish the feeling of being a bit different from what may be expected even if this does mean that people don't always seem to know what to do with me, where to place me, not quite being able to work out who I am.  I also love that I am now in a happy and confident place surrounded by a whole bunch of random lovelies, all misfits in their own special way.

I therefore found it to be quite unexpected to be feeling as if I needed to fit-in in a new situation quite recently.   This new misfit feeling began when I started blogging.  I didn't set out to write a 'parenting blog', it was more that I wanted to get a bit of focus during the early months at home with the baby   I was spending a lot of time sat on the sofa with The Baby either sleeping on my lap or feeding and the idea of writing up some thoughts appealed to me.  I had no idea that there approximately three hundred million  bloggers are already out there doing the same thing. 

Now, this shouldn't make any difference to me but I found myself propelled into a flat spin about where my blog fitted in to this existing community.  More to the point, I became concerned about where I fitted in to this existing community.  Was I good enough?  Funny enough?  Twee enough?  Expert enough?  Cool enough?

I joined a few blogging networking sites and attempted to make new 'friends' on Twitter - where incidentally, I more often than not find myself watching with interest from the sidelines as the 'in-crowd' converse using their shared 'cool' language.

I found myself becoming a bit hung up about the page view stats of my blog and how many - or more accurately, how few - followers had signed up, compared to other sites.  It's odd really 'cos I didn't set out to begin writing for any reason other than for myself and yet here I was feeling like I was now in some competitive arena.

As I'd never had a 'game plan' - had given the blog title and aim very little thought and hadn't set out to be a blog that ran competitions or reviewed products - then I'm not sure why I felt any pressure to be anything in particular.  But I did.

"I don't even know why I'm wasting my time writing the stupid thing " I bleated to The Husband.

"I like reading it" he atttempted supportively. 

"well you can hear it all directly from the horses mouth" I ranted back at him


And then a funny thing happened.  When I thought I'd not bother blogging anymore I realised I'd really miss it.  Ok. so I may not be part of the blogging in-crowd.  I may not fit into a parenting-blog model.  My followers may be hard won,  But you know what, I like writing it. I really enjoy it. And I get a real buzz when someone leaves a comment or signs up as a follower.  I also find it fascinating that I seem to have regular readers from across the globe - "hello Russia" :)  *waves and smiles*.   Keeping the blog makes me happy.

It also pleases me that by naively entering into 'blogsphere' I have discovered some great writing out there and have come across other misfits.  Which is always nice.  Occasionally, I 'link up' with another blogger and was even 'tagged' to join in a so-called 'Meme'.  Once (!).  It made me feel a bit more accepted as being part of this strange online blogging world.  Ok. So I may have crossed the line by going on to 'tag' some well established, popular bloggers - some of whom kindly played along and others who were happy to completely ignore the cheeky 'who does she think she is' new girl.

For now, I'll continue doing my own thing just 'cos I like it.  Will I feel left out and threatened when I hear about all the other parent bloggers out there attending the upcoming blog conferences and award events that I shan't be attending?  Meeting each other and enjoying their mutual appreciation societies?  Yes, I probably will feel a bit left out.  It's human nature isn't it to want to fit in with the crowd whilst still maintaining our individuality and different-ness? 

Instead of dwelling though I shall remember that  I've never considered myself as someone who would hold mass appeal for the majority.  Aside from anything else I can be far too upfront about my opinions which - as you might expect - doesn't always work for everyone. I'm a bit like marmite, you tend to either love me or loathe me. 

So, why start worrying about about fitting in with the 'popular kids' now?  As I said to The Eight Year Old last night when we were discussing a negative playground encounter at school that day, "not everyone will like you just as you won't like everyone else, and that's ok. It's more than ok.  It's the way of the world.  As long as you like you, and those you love and respect, like you, then you're doing ok." 

And based on that.  I'm doing ok :)

8 comments:

  1. Hi Ju,

    Yes, you are doing brilliantly. I wrote a similar post on my blog and got loads of encouragement to keep going.

    I must admit I'm just as guilty though, as I don't always comment, but I do read a lot of blogs (and I dip in and out of yours quite a bit). I like blogs with good original content, because someone has taken the time to order their thoughts and write it down.

    I have found that Twitter keeps up the interest in my blogs, and Twitter friends are really supportive.

    But overall, your blog is your space to express yourself. People will interact with you if what you write touches them in some way.

    Keep writing.

    BW,
    Lesley x.

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement and for taking the time to comment, very much appreciated! I too could be much better at leaving comments and from now on vow to do so! :) Jx

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  2. Alls i know is I look forward to reading your blog every single day it certainly keeps me going at work and makes me laugh, cry and muse myself in equal measure!!

    Definitely keep musing Julie matey!

    R x

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    1. ...the musing shall continue matey...if only for you and me :) Jx

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  3. I love your blog, there's no misfit as far as I'm concerned. xxx

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    1. That's very kind of you to say, thank you lovely lady. Jx

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  4. Wow! This is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I've only been blogging 6 weeks and had no idea there were so many out there. Took me a while to work out what a 'meme' was. There are som many blogs that are just one 'meme' after another! I can feel myself slipping into that because like you I feel the need to fit in. That's not why I started my blog though. I wanted to connect with other parents but not feel like I was in a competition. There are some meme I love and will take part in but I need to write more too. It was so refreshing to read your post tonight....thank you. I will be following you. :-)

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  5. This makes me very happy to know it's not just me! Your blog is lovely :) It looks as if it is very thoughtfully put together and I would never have thought it was only 6 weeks old! Thank you for commenting, you have connected with me and I shall also be following you from now on :) Jx

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